I can't see the line from here

What should I do when I've had enough?

Being a teacher is just a job for me. It's not my career, or passion. I never want to deal with parents or make lesson plans. But for now it pays the bills, and having nap time built in is a huge bonus.

There is a set of twins who I love, but really test the teachers. They've just turned three and are terrors to the max. My boss has had to put them in separate classrooms because they're such monsters together. They're loving boys, and quite adorable, but become so obscenely violent it's impossible to be around them. Peri will kick me, bite me, pull my hair, scream at me to go away-- and I'm his favorite. Roman will laugh in a teacher's face until we are so incredibly frustrated we have to walk away before he's physically harmed, then he gets his way.

So where's the line between the job and the involvement in these kids' lives? Am I supposed to love them as much as I do? Or just put up with them until 5pm? The answers clear. I babysit right after work and on weekends. I go to their birthday parties, dance classes, and the park to play, without being payed. It's not about making a reputation for myself, although the parents do love when I show up, but I genuinely enjoy spending time with these children. But when they revolt, and attack, I resort to being just an employee, and confuse the hell out of the kids. When I tell them to go talk to another teacher, or I don't want to be around them because they're hurting me, not only are they hurt, but they don't know if I'm coming back. I'm not parent who will tuck them in no matter what happens. I'm just a teacher. I leave. And sometimes, they won't see me for days. Today I realized how horrible this must be for a kid. I always knew they missed me, but could I be creating deeper issues?

**apologies if this is not coherent, quite fevered**

Elsa Extravaganza

I got to babysit Elsa this evening. We had special time, just me and her. She was so excited,
as was I. Elsa pretended to feed me mushrooms (circular blocks) and I pretended to be disgusted-- and she loved it.


In the middle of playing, she decided we needed music. Off she went, putting in an Al Green cd, then connecting headphones. Standing there, dancing by herself, I couldn't have loved it more.

I have been known to put any, and every, kid to sleep. Whether it be nap time or bed time, I never have a problem. Elsa has been quite a problem for her parent, but she doesn't nap with me at school, so I had my fears. Alas, my reputation remains untarnished. Elsa and I went up to bed at 6:45p, read two books, sang two songs, and out she was by 7:15p. One more kid down, many more to come I'm sure.

Birthday Wishes

One of my favorite kids- Elsa- had her birthday party today up at the Paul Green School of Rock. Her parents are fantastic and organized- in conjunction with a friends also celebrating their daughters' birthdays- a costume dance party. Forget the kiddie music -- put on Abba, Violent Femmes, and Prince. Hang a disco ball and have some random hipsters dancing on stage and the scene is set.

Best part- I got to spend time with Elsa. She and I have a wonderfully special relationship. I'm her favorite teacher, and she's an all-time favorite kid. She sat on me and told me to start listening. I pretended trying to get up. She'd tackle me down.

She melted into my lap as soon as I got there.
My heart melted all over her.

Elsa, hanging on my leg, of course.

Aching Heart

I'm writing an article on becoming a mother to a former charge. It reminds me how much I needed Madeline in my life, and, also, how much I miss my current kids.

I'm working sparse hours because of school as of late. Instead of having my normal class of 14 two-three year olds, I'm rotated around the school. I get great fulfillment from my job, regardless of whose class I'm in, but my kids, the kids I had everyday from April through mid September, are irreplaceable.

And they miss me too.

I was in the 'horse' classroom today, and the kids tackle me. Josie will cry if I leave for just a minute. Kids panic that I won't come back. They feel abandoned. And I feel guilty. I got to fall asleep with Elsa today at nap time. I'm her favorite teacher -all ego aside. I get to go to her birthday party this weekend which I 'm pumped for. But missing out on the day to day is starting to wear on me. The hugs, smiles, new words, art projects; the utter joy each child exudes is contagious. As I walk through the school door, my baggage falls off my back and nothing matters more than what we'll have for snack, or if Jude will sit on the potty today.

I miss my kids terribly, but am I entitled to feel this way?

Optical Occasion

Josie's mom, an optometrist, came to my class today to discuss the eye. She brought in extra pairs of adult glasses for each of the kids -- which they loved.

Mabel, wearing her glasses, and also the daughter of a mom-doctor, comes to me saying: "Hello. I am Dr. Mabel. Now what can I help you with today."

On another note, Josie's parents brought in cupcakes for her upcoming birthday. Her mother was going to collect and throw out the cupcake wrappers. I told her that the kids could clean up after themselves, in which she sincerely responded with, "They can?!"

Josie

I have a pet bunny, LaBrown.

Josie sits on my lap while playing outside at work and, completely unprompted, asks: Is LaBrown doing well? Is she still peeing on the couch?

Lovely, refreshing sincerity.

Growing Pains

I am in my first real workplace ethical debacle.

A co-worker is violent with our kids. She makes the day miserable, stressful, and rather unbearable for the other teachers and children. A family left the school today because of her behavior, but called me before making a final decision. Was it ethical to accept the personal phone call about professional issues? My boss is extremely concerned, but doesn't feel ready to fire my coworker. She wants me to "blow the whistle" immediately after/during the next incident. Do I get this girl fired? She trusts me.

I'm struggling with where my loyalties should lie, the family? My boss? My coworker?

Friday Night!

Cassidy is very 'up' on the fashion scene. She took her friend Rachel to the GenArt Fashion Week launch party, and then to the show. Perks of living so close to L.A.: tres chic affaires.

(Style lent by Mary Kate Olsen)

Observation Deck

Today the school I work at took a family field trip to Longwood Gardens. The teachers got to go along, and didn’t I find it interesting how parents interact with their children (outside of the fifteen minutes I get to see at drop off and pick up). Parents couldn't get their kids attention, insisted on holding hands if out of the stroller, and best, started complaining how they would never get their kids down for a nap!

I, however, called 'Ladies!' just once, and four of my children turned around. Nap? No problem. Stop going into your child's room! Stop answering his/her every call! And please, whatever you do, forget the milk bottle. At three your child should be consuming more than enough calories and balanced meals that he/she does not need milk six times a day, let alone from a bottle.

Overall the trip was entertaining, mostly due to the wild goose chases between adult and child.

Revolution

Josie (2.5 yo) and Eliana (3yo) decided to watch a movie. They opened a door, to a basement I didn't know the house had. Down the steps, the pair entered an enormously red room, complete with a projection screen. Josie asks, "Is this a movie theater?" Eliana, "No. It's my TV collection."

Eliana proceeds to shuffle through a collection of remotes, picks the correct one (I can only assume), and turns on the projector, DVD player, receiver, dims the lights, and tucks herself and Josie into the leather couch. Was I, the babysitter, and teacher at their preschool, needed?

Side note: Parents of both girls still give them sippy cups, think they cannot walk up/down stairs alone, and spoon feed them regularly. Perhaps the 'parents' should get to know their girls.

Burned

I call my mother, per usual, and discuss the last day-or-so's events. She tells me Cassidy's uniform skirt has cigarette burns in it.

Do I call Cassidy, and warn her of what is waiting at home-- a steaming mother left to stew in anger for a day? Or do I give loyalty to my mother, who has every right to be upset over the situation.

Scrabble

I decided to get a cup of tea while working on some reading for class. The coffee house was bustling, and a little girl, with what I assume to be a family friend, was playing her version of Scrabble on the floor in one corner. I opted for the seat adjacent to the game.

She held up a tile, E! And her guardian would list words, beginning with E, until she guessed the correct one. I commented on the girl's hair bows- Halloween themed. She watched me read, and I watched her play. She suddenly stands, looks me over closely, and tells me I have beautiful red hair.

What beautiful sincerity.

Spilt milk.

At work we take daily trips to the local park. Each kid holds on to a ring on a rope, and we travel the 2 blocks with 20 kids, and 2 teachers.

I was at the end of the line with the day's 'caboose', Rebecca. Jacob, ring neighbor, was excited for his birthday cup cakes, planned for later that day, and repeated the word spaghetti, over, over, and over. Rebecca looked up to me and asked me to have him stop. There was little I could do, so I told her to think of something else, like I do, and soon all the 'noise' would fade away.

I was thinking off coffee and a croissant, so Rebecca picked chocolate milk to focus on. We walked a few steps and she began to cry. What could have happened? Rebecca looked up, so sad, and wailed: "I spilled my chocolate milk!"

Complex

Girl, about two blocks away: I slept over at my pseudo-boyfriend father-of-my-baby's last night, or, my audition. Which topic do you want to hear about? Sex is always involved in auditions.

Discovered

Cassidy is actively pursuing a modeling career. She has gotten a great response from agencies, but while she finishes high school, she swirls fat-free frozen yogurt at my old job. While working, a man comes in, compliments her eyes, which are spectacular, then leaves his card. It turns out he is a high-fashion photographer.


Only in Orange County.

Answers.

Each of the girls in the picture below are 17. Parents were 'supervising' this party.
(Second in from the left is my sister, Cassidy.)

Four-Year-Olds.

Elias: Well that's what my mommy said.
Hartwell (from across the classroom): Well your mommy's always wrong so who cares.
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Elias: If YOU eat on Yom Kippur then I'm going to pull my cannon gun off the wall and put you on fire!

Guessing Game

Guess how old these Orange County girls are.

Racially

Cassidy, about an Asian coworker: "He was telling me how he didn't fit in- racially- in the Midwest. But he was talking like if he were a black guy... in Laguna. "

Josephine

Josie and I spend about 30 hours every week together. When given a homework assignment, she's almost always part of it. Here is a recent short, showing how Disney propagandizes the princesses.

Introducing

Cassidy is my 17-year-old sister. She's stuck with our parents in Laguna, trudging through her senior year at Mater Dei High School (which you may know if you follow high school sports). She took my old job at Golden Spoon frozen yogurt, coaches volleyball, and models, or tries to; you want to know her. She parties in groups with Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, and more actors from Noggin. She slips backstage concerts, traipses through movie sets, and lives "the O.C." life I so desperately ran from.